She thought that dreaming of love and romance was crazy. She had been reassured that it wasn't crazy, yet she still couldn't believe it. I'm insane, she thought to herself. Not a chance in Tarterus will he want to be with me. She still crushed on him for a very long time. Her mom kept telling her to do little things here and there to kind of encourage him, but she didn't. She knew that wasn't his style. He was very different than your typical guy. Months pass and she hasn't heard from him in a long time. She soon decides to put a few herbs in her wallet that help encourage love and bring love into your life. A few weeks before that, she went
The next weekend, they hang out together. They watch a movie, some t.v., and wait for her sister to get home so they can go eat. Her sister finally gets home and they all go to Ci Ci's for dinner. After they eat, they take him home because he rode his bike to her house earlier that day. When they get to his house, they all say bye to him, she being the last. While everyone else is already in the car, they're saying their goodbyes and I'll see you this day. The final time he hugs her, she starts to pull away, but he has a hold of her hand. She turns back to him, and he pulls her to him. He kisses her. This is what she has wanted from him since
Everyday, her routine is the same; get up, get dressed and go to school. She endures the school day, her friends and the guy she's currently crushing on being the highlight of her day. She comes home, goes into her room, and starts messing around on her computer or plays video games. She wishes that she had something better to do. Sure, some days she goes to work after school, but that's not what she really wants to do. She only works to make money to fix her car, pay her phone bill, and other miscellaneous things. She owes her mother and stepfather money for fixing her car for her, which still needs more work, she has no life outside of scho
MISSING JEFF
I don't know if you will live or how serious your condition is
All I can do is sit and cry missing you
Not knowing what else to do
You're my sister's man and I must comfort her as much as I can
In my lap she lays
I lie when she ask me if you will be okay
But I have run out of words to say
The only man she's ever loved
The one that she will always dream of
Who will make her happy now
Oh how I wish you were around
Will we ever see your smile again
Your number she begins to dial
Then she realizes your not there
Life is just not fair
We both worry night and day
Wishing this nightmare would go away
To the lord I pray
There's a guy
He's sweet, nice, and polite
I have known him for a long time
Something I never expected has happened to me
I like this person more than a friend
But, he does not know this
What do I do?
Do I tell him?
Do I keep it to myself?
If I did tell him…it could jeopardize our friendship
If I didn't tell him…I'd go crazy because I didn't say anything
You're having these thoughts
You say it's calming
You say it's pretty
Seeing bodies laying about
You're crazy
This isn't you
I know this
This is the work of someone inside you
Someone putting these thoughts in your head
The thoughts activated by anger
This anger is there because someone said something
Calm down
I'll help you through this
One way or another
A Friend
I, me, am a friend
What is a friend?
A friend is someone who will be there when they are needed
I am a friend
When they need me, I am there
I am there for my friends to talk to
I tell them all the time, "If you need me, I'm here."
They tell me all the time, "Thank you for being there."
It makes me feel appreciated
Sometimes I feel that I fail my friends
Sometimes I cannot be around when I should be
My friends recently had problems
I told them all that they needed to talk to each other to work this out
They talked
They got madder at each other
I feel like I failed to be the friend I should be
The friend I try to be
Methos Valdir was born in the year 57,586 B.C. At the time it was called the First Age. He was the son of Telemnar Valdir and Írissë of the
Laiquendi. His father was of the race of the Ancients, the keepers of all things holy. His mother was the first of the race of elves. His uncle was one of the most powerful wizards of all time, Merlin was his name. For eighteen years, his mother, father, and uncle taught Methos all they knew. Merlin showed the
ways of the white magicians, to open portals to other places (as long as they were up to 100 yards away), and how to go into other dimensions. As well as speak multiple languages.
His
The Light
February 13, 2004
I see a light
It is so bright
I run toward it
I am getting so close
I reach for it
It leaves me
Leaves me standing here wondering
Will I ever leave this place?
Will I ever escape this dark, damp cell?
There's the light again!
This time, I follow it more quickly
I get closer to the light
It leads me away from the cell
As I follow it, it leads to my escape
I climb the wall nearest the light
I finally break free
I am standing in the light
The light I saw
It was the sun
I look up, staring into the sky
The sun is beautiful
Finally, I am free
Valentine's Day
January 29, 2004
There is a day
A "special" day
It's coming closer
They call it the day of love
Valentine's Day
As it nears
My mood changes
I become depressed
I hate this day
Everyone has someone to spend it with
Not me
Someone has given me an offer
I want to take it
But something holds me back
What is it?
I know what it is
Fear
It is fear
The fear of getting hurt
The fear of happiness being shot down
I don't want this to happen
I won't let this happen
How, I don't know
I sit here
Thinking of you
Thinking of everyone telling me how wrong my decision was
This makes me angry
This enrages me
When I become angry
I want to fight
I want to hurt someone
Hurt something
I want someone to feel my pain
Feel my wrath
This is wrong
I know this
I shouldn't feel this way
But I have every right
Sometimes I feel like I am powerless
I hate this feeling
This enrages me as well
I get so angry
What has happened to me?
I didn't used to be this way
I used to be kind
Gentle
Loving
Now, I am enraged and powerful
Powerful enough to hurt someone
What has happened to me?
How can I stop this?
Am I evil?
Am
When I am with you
I get different feelings
Something I have never felt before
I enjoy this
I want more each time I am with you
These feelings I have
For you, they are different
Something I have never felt with anyone
You
Seildroth
You are the one to make me feel this way
You are the only one who will ever make me
Feel the way I do with you
I love you more than anything
I will always love you
So
My love
Take this as my pledge
To love you until I die
For in marriage
It is said "Till death do us part"
I love you, my husband
Even in death
I will never leave you
After all these years
After trying to be together three times
We are finally together for life
This is our last chance
Last chance for love
To be together
To prove everyone wrong
To make them see
We do belong together
We know why we didn't work out in the past
Now that factor is gone
You are no longer cursed
We can be together now
We are
Together for life
Nobody can tear us apart
They can try
But they never will
We are inseparable now
This is how much I love you
You know this
You feel my love every day
We are finally together again
So, don't blow it this time
Don't make the same mistakes you have in the past
For if yo
Are you ready?
To be my husband
To be my love
To endure the hardship of marriage
To have children with me
Others don't think you are
I feel you are
Do you feel you are?
I hope you do
This is what I want
You are what I want
I am ready for you
Be ready for me, my love…
Fire
There is a fire burning inside me
It comes from deep down
It comes from the one within me
The one by the name of Jen
She longs to be on the outside
As I have longed to be on the outside
She has been on the outside for many years
It is my turn
Her fire will soon die
Then I will be in control
I am not one would call a control freak
I just like to have things my way
My fire burns hotter than hers
Mine will over power her
Then, this body will be mine
I will be the only one here
I will be here
No one else
I am Alexdria
See me for who I am
Or don't see me at all
There is so much hatred here
I look around
And in people's eyes
I see hatred
There is hatred in my own eyes
These eyes stare back at me
I know I can't leave this behind
Without my hatred there could be no love
I wish I could leave this behind
But I can't
I wouldn't be who I am today
If you left your hatred behind
Lost your dark side
You would not be the same
You are lost without your dark side
So, live with your dark side
As I live with my hatred
Don't leave it behind
It is there to teach you a lesson
What that lesson is, I don't know
That is for you to find out
Look inside yourself
There you will find the lesson
I am alone in a forest
I see a creature I have never seen before
I run from it
It keeps gaining on me
Gaining
Gaining
Finally, it catches me
Knocks me down
I see the fire of hatred in its eyes
I look into the face of this one
I don't recognize this person at first
I realize it is my anger
My hatred
My hatred that burns inside me
How have I let myself have this much hatred?
And whom is this hatred for?
Do I really have this much inside me?
Am I a hateful person?
I don't know anymore
I don't know who I am anymore
Someone…
Please…
Who am I?!?!?!?!
This world
The world we live in
It is a cruel world
There is so much heartache
So much pain
Full of hate
Violence
Cruelty
War
We don't belong here
I don't remember the world being this way
Our world used to be kind
Loving
Everyone liked each other
Everyone was friends with each other
Now that world is gone
I have moved on into this one
What's gone wrong here?
Why can't we have the world we used to have?
Will we ever have a kind world?
Will it ever be like it used to be?
I don't think so…
Power
The power is inside me
This power is too great
I cannot control it
I get angry
This makes the power stronger
It builds and builds inside me
I try my hardest to control it
I cannot
I let go
I let it overtake me
I am lost in this power
It is so great…
I do not know what is happening to me
Suddenly, I am out cold
I must have blacked out from the intensity of the power
I look around
I look at myself
What has happened to me?
The power finally subsides
What just happened here?
I don't know
I don't remember anything
Wait!
I am calm now
I have figured it out
My power is tied to my emotions
I get angry…they build
I am
Here I am
Sitting here thinking
Who am I?
What am I?
Am I really as powerful as you say I am?
Am I?
You tell me that you cannot tell me anymore about myself
I must learn the rest on my own
What if I don't?
What if I never remember all of my past?
What if I never remember correctly?
What will happen to me?
These things I don't know
These things I wish to know…
i worry about you
i laugh because of you
i am here for you
you are my friend
i think about you day and night
hoping praying youre alright
maybe that wish can be kept tonight
you are my friend
youre the one to hold me close
smooth my hair, get the tissue so i can blow my nose
about something Lord only knows
you are my friend
i cant go without you
spirit, mental, physically too
Youre right there, and I want you to
you are my friend
my eyes light up when youre around
the worlds all smiles, no more frowns
youre so special, you should have a crown
you are my friend
i come to you with anything
you just smile, saying everything
Abortion
April 7, 2004
To each his own, one may say,
but mention life, and opinions sway.
This child would be born of hope and grace,
had mother not tried to save her face.
Now this child will lay in dirt,
while you continue life on earth.
A debt you owe to man kind,
causing havoc upon a child's mind.
Leaving him to suffer his final breaths,
for something he has not done yet.
A crime commited has not he,
but a different opinion have you, I see.
For now every time you see a child,
I hope you think, would she be colicky or
mild?
For every graduation you attend,
I hope you agree to make amends.
These child's eyes could have be
woke up this evil morning
questioning my existence
why did i need to be here?
why cant i just be left alone?
got to my usual destinations
like clockwork... nothing unordinary
felt a little better
but the feeling wouldnt shake
the day began rolling downhill
Like Speed Racer in the Mach 5
Determined to make it better
I smiled and went on
Now I sit at the end of my day
Like sitting on the end of the dock
Do I return to the shore, in hopes of bliss
Or jump into the lake, hoping for an escape
Before I know it,
Im plunged into the water
No choice of mine to make
Only one left... swim or sink
For now, I'm sinking
Not out of want
Windless Nights
March 24, 2004
She sits alone in a cold, dark corner, looking out at her surroundings,
realizing that she is falling and falling,
never able to get up.
The world around her keeps on moving,
but the one square of ground she owns, and can claim as her own,
is as still as the windless night.
Although the dark is her enemy, it is also her best friend.
Even though she is terrified, she is peaceful and calm.
As everything around her tumbles and crumbles,
as everyone falls apart,
she stands up, and steps out, to see what has become of that,
which was her world.
Shattered and torn,
dirty and ugly,
the shambles arou
Current Residence: irving Favourite genre of music: Rock MP3 player of choice: Windows Media Player...sometimes... Wallpaper of choice: a pentagram of some sort Personal Quote: What you do affects the lives of other people
well people, everyone's updating so i suppose i'll update too. a lot has happened in the last year or so....where do i start? i suppose i can start with the journal titled "new job." Yeah, that didn't work out. That doctor's office let me go the next day. Why, you ask? Because i asked if they were going to drug test and how they were going to do it so they suspected me of doing drugs. Bullshit, but whatever. So, after that, i went into a bit of a depression time where I just sat at home and played MapleStory all day until it got to the point where I was staying up all night and sleeping all day. Needless to say, that wasn't a good time in my
so, i got a new job. that's right, no more grocery store for me. I now work at Healthcare Associates in Irving. It's a monday-friday job. no weekends, no holidays, all that good stuff. What do I do here? I am a phone receptionist. I have my own desk, my own computer, and I have the internet....oh yes...I have the internet. this computer kinda sucks bc it runs windows 2000 pro, but it's better than nothing...well, imma go, bc im actually at work right now. see ya!
so, my sister is the biggest fucking bitch in the world right now. she told my parents that I'm having sex with skye and shit...and so when i went to see my mom today, she went apeshit on me, and everything else...she says that if basically i don't conform to her will, she doesn't want to speak to me ever again. my sister told my parents lies about Skye and shit and i'm sick of my sister saying that no one likes skye and no one wants him around and all this shit. she tried doing that shit for labor day and it didn't work. it won't work this time either. Skye and I are about to go have it out with my parents and make them see that he's not who